#extreme mental issues
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I’m so sorry about your mother. I’m sorry I can’t bring her back, but please just…
#Arcane#League of Legends#arcaneedit#animationedit#loledit#Vi#Caitlyn#Caitvi#*mine#yeah sorry i know this scene has already been massively overgiffed#anyway gdi Cait this is why we have trust and abandonment issues#but to be fair i think they were both asking a lot of each other in an extremely volatile and complicated situation#like Vi gave up a lot of herself to be there for Cait#but she's also asking a lot from Cait in return who is not in the best mental and emotional state right now#there's just too much at stake here but Cait should've never made a promise she couldn't keep!!
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i would actually love to hear your thoughts on when layton would emote the ways you've drawn him! if you want! no pressure if not!
OH B OY HERE WE GO!!!!! again take everything with a grain of salt bc i Forgor bits of the series
BLANKET SPOILER FOR UNWOUND FUTURE/MIRACLE MASK MAYBE??/AZRAN LEGACY
(for reference we are talking abt this post)
SURPRISE: As we know in the PL series, it's very very hard to catch the professor off-guard in any way. Most of the things you would think would surprise him, he's already known for a long time and was just keeping quiet about it so that he could use that information at the right time.
With that being said, the times where he does seem to get somewhat surprised (or taken aback. he's so goddamn emotionally constipated) seem to be when the shocker in question has personal relation to him. Though in the series proper, none of the shocking personal factoids are ever presented in a way to make him jump. So theoretically, if any twists like Claire or Descole's reveal were presented much more aggressively, he might emote like how I've drawn him (though I kinda doubt it). Or just jumpscare him lmao
SADNESS: Obviously we know that Layton can feel sadness and cry, though even at the end of Unwound Future it's clear that he's still holding back with his crying. I'd wager that it's because he's out in public and around an impressionable individual (Luke) that he's not letting himself fully express his grief. After all, a true gentleman never makes a scene in public.
I'd say, if he were to cry like the way I've drawn him (that is, bawling his eyes out), it'd probably be at the end of UF when Luke leaves for America, and he'd have to be alone. And I mean completely alone. He'd be very careful about having anyone even remotely near him before he breaks down sobbing; he'd wait for Luke to go home, and wait a while to make sure that he hears no other footsteps around who could potentially walk in on him, before crying. And even then, he'd still repress it - trying to choke back sobs to make sure he isn't heard, pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes and covering his eyes with his hand, the works. Because sadness/crying is weakness to him, and a true gentleman can never show weakness.
ANGER: Frankly, I feel like this is one of the emotions I've drawn that I actually could see him showing in the series proper. We've seen him in Unwound Future just barely holding back his anger at Clive when he endangered Flora/started wrecking havoc on London (obviously still restrained- yadda yadda yadda "true gentleman" blah blah blah).
To get him to unrestrain it, I'd say you would have to put a lot of people he cares about (particularly his wards - Luke and Flora would likely be excellent choices) in direct danger, as well as taunt him to a personal degree enough times. Because even the Professor has limits to how much mental strain he can take, and all limits can be broken. It's just a matter of pushing the right (or wrong!) buttons on him.
FEAR: This one's tough I think. As an adult who's seen a lot (including his own death), it's pretty hard to find something that would really scare him to that degree. Throughout the series the most he seems to show in terms of fear is either: a) surprise that he quickly recovers from, or b) the end of Unwound Future when he realizes that Claire can't stay with him.
I say that theoretically (and REALLY emphasize on the "theoretically"), you might be able to get him to emote the way I've drawn him... if you subject him to anything akin to his recently unrepressed memories of his childhood, and he's rendered helpless to do anything to help but watch. But like I said, only theoretically. I'd wager that he'd probably just be angry too.
LAUGHTER: ...I honestly have no good clue to how or when he'd emote like this. For him to laugh so heartily, he'd have to be in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability, which isn't often.
I'd say it'd be at a time where he's feeling very relieved, or elated (and they'd both have to be situations that connect to him personally too; outside events won't phase him). How he'd laugh to such an extent I'm not actually sure, BUT I could paint a bit of a scenario: It's the end of UF, but Claire could actually stay without dying, and she makes a sort of lighthearted joke in light of the events. Would he laugh wholeheartedly? I dunno. But judging on what we've seen of him, it's a maybe.
It's a shame we never get to see him emote so colourfully in the hexalogy proper, but as I've stated before in another long-winded half-legible ramble character analysis, he's SEVERELY repressing his emotions due to Claire's last words/"gentleman" values/positive reinforcements from his peers and environments for successfully hiding his emotions. Poor guy.
#mak talks smack#mak talks back#professor layton#hershel layton#character analysis#i guess.?#mostly just me yapping eternally while trying to make sure i'm actually understood#i was waiting until i had enough mental capacity to type this on my laptop so sorry for the wait anon#but this is the gist of what i think#ALSO I FEEL THE NEED TO ADD#I DO NOT HATE CLAIRE IN ANY WAY AT ALL!!!#she's just made some very unfortunate wording choices which have exacerbated his repression issues further :(#but like i said in the art post the laughing one i put in bc i felt bad. lmao#most of the emotions i've drawn were just fun exercises for me#realistically would he show half of them? probably not#but oh well#still it's fun to draw him feeling extremes#especially when his face is just :-) or :-|#limitations are the key to progress!!
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anyone ever also think about seivarden's pretty clear emotional dysregulation that she tried to treat on her own because it seems like the other option was to go to a medic who would potentially give her the therapy where if you think a bad thought you get zapped with headaches and nausea? later we learn that there are actually meds for regulating one's emotions but whether you get that or you get reeducated seems to kind of depend on who you know and how much the medic likes you. And then Breq all throughout the books is like "there was always help available for her she was just too proud to take it" and it's like. yeah you were the help. She took it. the difference between seeing the doctor as an officer on a ship where the captain is invested in your safety and seeing the doctor as a random with no money and no social safety net is vast. Of course she went off and found a drug that kind of worked on her own. Of course she did
#the other characters will frequently lump in seivarden's drug abuse with instances of her being snobby and treating others poorly#as though it's all the same problem when those are two separate issues#it's extremely well observed that's exactly how it is trying to get mental healthcare#but i'm on the seivarden defense squad in this instance. free my girl gender neutral she didn't do any of that#she did a bunch of other things get it right#ancillary justice tag
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John Doe’s (UnOrdinary) ability in a two sentences;
Random person: I could kick you into next month with my ability-
John Doe: -OUR ability.
#a celestial dream#tumblr#unordinary#uru chan#john unordinary#John is such an unironically funny guy considering his continuously declining mental stability#And his tendency for extreme violence and anger issues#webtoon#webcomic
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I love projecting onto fictional characters. I can say "Peri has intrusive thoughts" because I do and I like Peri and someone else out there will agree. And I think that's beautiful.
(and yes I'd say this means that Irep also has intrusive thoughts. His are about 'nice' and 'happy' things, but they distress him all the same, which makes them intrusive. Both make them question whether they're a "valid" Fairy/Anti-Fairy if they have these thoughts.... and both need to get their asses in therapy STAT)
#fairly oddparents#fop#fopanw#should i. tag the characters? i guess so#fop peri#fop irep#love slapping Peri with mental illness#im recently realized i'm extremely traumatized and have been for years#and am now trying to figure out where to go from that so i can start living life again#and honestly. having Peri as a fav character is helping. because I see so much of my current struggles in him...#an anchor. there are others like me out there. and i can do it just as he can.#so i might as well project the rest of my issues onto him as well >:)
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An Idea that is also admittedly OOC but wdyd is…
Kakashi actually tracking down Itachi immediately after the Uchiha Genocide ‘cause let’s face it, he’s that good of a tracker/shinobi (even if Itachi can completely kick his ass) and single-minded when in mission-mode and was clearly not one of the ANBU/Root or S-Rank jonin enlisted for this. (If he’s going rogue instead of bending the rules for a half-hearted sanctioned pursuit? Call it his Obito&Rin Guilt Complex + remaining guilt over not keeping a better eye on his “junior” when Minato literally dragged Kakashi out of that life for a time so he could recover a bit mentally.)
Anyway. Kakashi catches up to Itachi.
But instead of finding the tween prodigy hypervigilent in bloodlust and ready to engage him in a battle, he accidentally finds the kid mid-breakdown absolutely losing it in grief and guilt once Itachi presumed he was a good distance away from any Konoha or Atasuki pursuers.
And well. This is awkward. And not at all what Kakashi expected.
Does this finally knock Kakashi a bit out of his avoidant apathy to take a more active interest in Sasuke’s and Naruto’s lives? Maybe? But well, it’s a start. Only trash abandon their comrades.
#naruto au#kakashi hatake#itachi uchiha#sasuke uchiha#naruto uzumaki#listen we got teased with this at times especially when sasuke first got his cursed seal#anyway. force the issue with this guy actually taking being a jonin sensei more seriously well before he officially becomes their sensei#(and obviously sakura isn’t even MORE neglected because I Say So)#(and actually gets the basics of genjutsu and elemental chakra molding taught to her before the chunin exams)#(because sure she will never have the chakra wells of either the uchiha or uzumaki clans)#(BUT neither does kakashi. and sakura could have been a prodigy in her own right if she weren’t a neglected civilian born shinobi)#(anyway. if kakashi had more of an emotional connection to the boys#(then he should have had a more practical one with sakura considering her potential skillset is extremely similar to his#(only with less chakra (only he had a head start she never had with his father training him + total war mentalities))#(and with far more precise control coming intuitively to her than it did to him)
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I've seen things after SOTUS extreme actor harassment, I've been here through BMF "hate watching flashmob" and you know what, this year I will actually stop tolerating BL fans (at least on tumblr) who don't even have the decency to just ignore things they don't like and who think bullying someone is a good fandom sport, and start calling out. No matter if you believe clickbaits or you're a proud member of celebrity witchhunt or just don't believe people and situations can change, whatever, I really don't want to see KristSingto hate if - when - they will come back with another BL series.
Peraya fans have been waiting and hoping for KristSingto reunion for years, they wanted it themselves for so long as well, and we've unfortunately encountered way too many people who don't use their braincells and who encourage others to follow their footsteps when making derogatory comments about (mainly) Krist or Singto who they don't even know about, or their shows. For years. Some even go to talk shit and laugh right at his face. What the hell.
Maybe don't ruin someone else's parade and don't turn a nice community lake into a swamp. If you consider yourself a good person who can have an opinion "I just don't vibe with this person/show", watch it unbiased, be open minded and if you don't have a full picture, ask fans of the actual story or do research and read proper compilations about him instead of blindly stacking your opinions on repeated echoed insults from yt and tiktok. And if you aren't willing to be open minded and rational, well, let the fans celebrate and stick quietly to your swamp.
It's really no fun to gather around to discuss something and slip on poop piles thrown around for no reason. What happened to civil discussions?
#this might sound harsh#but i've watched many shows over the past few years and read a lot of opinions#and bl fans were vile for nothing about no other popular bl actor as much as Krist#all the snide remarks in metas and retold HoRriBle RuMoRs for someone who really does not deserve it#and who has been battling mental health for years already#it really became a popular witchhunt and the last year showed that people are still happy to engage in it#even when the extreme viewers pressure and harrassment is exactly what created an issue in the first place#people do deserve to be called out when they are being ugly to others#my heart still hurts for bmf tbh because it's a beautiful and well crafted meaningful show with good acting#but people ignored it because some popular accs decided to be bitch about it because Krist was in it#OR they wrote meta and excited fans had to read discussions enduring all the - ew considering Krist it is not too bad - posts#just ffs#why people still do it#there are amazing posts with explanations or updates or just showing how good of a person Krist is#why don't you read those first and form a proper opinion if you take time to hate on him anyway#kristsingto#krist perawat#singto prachaya#peraya
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there’s something so grotesque about companies’ mental health programs/providers being like ‘with the war going on people may wanna consult’ — it’s being sold a product to cope with something that is being aided and abetted by people who created and invest in this product in the first place. but also just the sheer ridiculousness of looking at ongoing genocide and saying ‘did the news make you sad? we have a product to sell you’. i don’t have words or a specific explanation, just anger and disgust
#just taking the shitty co-opted and liberal approach to mental health to its logical extreme#the only ppl whose mental health i worry about are the ones who are being ethnically cleansed — and they’ve already issued demands!#grotesque#makes me sick
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currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....
#And then you just eventually shrug and go 'welp. nothing i can do i guess' and sad cartoon music plays as you shuffle back to your room#It's just hard with my specific physical and mental issues since it's like.. I couldn't really handle most jobs. I can't handle school. I'm#100% aromantic and asexual so I'll never get married so I can't get money that way. I have too much issues with social cues#+ too nervous temperament + too low energy to put effort into lying and having a fake relationship just for money. so on and so forth etc.#Really I should have just been born into a middle class family. Which I guess everyone says. but ESPECIALLY considering my#chronic conditions kind of hampering my ability to function 'normally' or be Independent in a regular way. I'm always going to be#in some way sort of beholden to the whims of people around me who I must depend on. so... well of course they might as well have been rich#lol like that would have been better for me of course.#AAANyway... Just thinking about another stupid fucking climate change summer... months keep going by so fast.. soon it will be so again#And it's like such SMALL things would make drastic improvements for me. Literally if I just had a place with central AC#then like 75% of my issues with summer would vanish instantly. literally. But instead it's like.. having a cheap hot apartment + only#half functional dinky window ac + my illnesses that make me heat sensitive + living in a part of the country that keeps getting hotter +#inability to leave the house much meaning I can't just go spend time in a cooler place etc. all factors which combine together to make#it just utterly miserable for MONTHS and mentally draining. And literally ALL I would need to fix that is just...#have a place with central AC that works.. (or move to a colder country/area but that also takes money. Or just not have illnesses#that make me heat sensitive. but that I can't control). etc. etc. I guess it's just the nature of the constant background frustration of#being part of The Masses under our current manifestation of unmitigated capitalism. Such minor details would make such huge#quality of life improvements and yet will remain ever out of reach. ONE little thing could change your whole life but you can't even have#that. so many 'If only' scenarios. etc. And of course obviously I am incredibly thankful just to have anywhere to live at all. food to eat#. any sort of stability whatsoever no matter how fragile it feels/is. But that still doesn't make it not frustrating occasionally to look#around and see how relatively little would have to change in order for you to be a decent percentage more comfortable and yet#how still far away even those ''small'' seeming goals are. etc. etc.#Seriously think I've been traumatized by the summer or something somehow lol like thinking about it being warm weather eventually#makes me nauseous with panic. It's just SOOO much labor. micromanaging windows and fans and blocking every ounce of light#and not being able to cook (cant even afford a single degree of temp increase due to the stove) for months and barely being able#to sleep for months and the claustrophobia of days on end crawling out of your skin because it doesnt even get cool enough at#night to offer relief so you're just always feeling trapped.. hgrhh...#It starts getting hot here sometimes in May but mostly June then lasts through October now.. thats like half the year almost.. ARghhH#anyway... If any extremely rich person reading this would like to buy me an air conditioned house in exchange for multiple years worth#of art (I will paint murals on all of your grand dining halls and make all the custom sculptures you could ever want etc) then.. hewwo :'3c
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The two extremes of the mommy issues spectrum are Junji Ito creating Tomie because he's terrified of women and Tatsuki Fujimoto creating Makima because he wants to be dominated by a woman.
#femcel#chainsawman#denji#makima#tatsuki fujimoto#control devil#junji ito#tomie kawakami#mommy issues#mentally unstable#csm manga#tomie aesthetic#im saying when I create my own fictional woman she's gonna be an extremely overpowered and childish tyrant with a soft spot for ME only
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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im begging people to turn on the post dates for your feed bc sometimes i see ppl rb advice with good intentions but the advice is from 2010-2017 and therefore is WILDLY outdated!!!! and that's not good!!!!!
#personal#like well intentions are one thing#but advice from that time period esp abt very important things like healthcare finances homelessness etc is VERY outdated#as someone who lived thru some of the shit recently that ppl rb this stuff abt#like please please please i am begging#this information/advice is not timeless! nd changes CONSTANTLY#and PLEASE READ THE POSTS CRITICALLY????#i saw someone rb a homelessness advice post recently that suggested hitchhiking to the midwest or south which is TERRIBLE advice-#-if u arent a thin white cis (passing) str8 (passing) able bodied person!!!!#which lbr the ppl most affected by homelesness are queer & trans & mentally/physically ill black & brown ppl#ive seen posts being shared saying that homelessness isn't THAT bad if u just shop cheap - whcih is ALSO not true??????#im harping a little on homelessness bc thats admittedly some of the biggest shit ive seen w/ this issue#but yeah just. please turn on the dates and use criitcal thinking b4 rbing any and all “advice” posts#there Are people out there who write well intentioned advice that is extremely dangerous#there are people out there who wrote advice that was good for when it was posted but not now#there are even ppl out there who write fake advice that is legitimately dangerous for people to do#just. please
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao
#whosebaby talks#took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go#you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall#sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt#when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all#but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were#and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell#or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well#sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm#and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes#......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit#and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature#and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine#which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did#and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place#all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged#was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao#i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted#so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol#anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable#there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered#and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3#the salt files#bullying cw#ableism cw
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please send me asks if you see this literally everything is SO shitty in my life rn i need a distraction so bad
#i’m actually on the verge of a full on mental breakdown#my mom and one of my sisters aren’t speaking#another one is having major issues planning her wedding#another one is having friend issues at college#i can’t pass my precalc class#my teacher literally won’t teach me#i don’t know anything#i barely care anymore#i’m so fucking tired#my dog keeps reinjuring herself#i’m extremely fucking done with life#stranger things#byler#chappell roan#taylor swift#mike wheeler#stranger things 5
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Whisper you love me quietly because I know to love me is shameful
#i love being triggered by extremely mild things 😍🥰#really atm its a game of am i triggered or just fixating on something to justify already feeling bad#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized#actually obsessive#actually ptsd#actually abused#attachment issues#emotional abuse#bpd vent#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#low self worth#low self image#lovesick#yearning
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